Size

I have never loved my body
tolerated pieces of it
at times
 
I like my eyes
and the way my smile curls
but overall
 
displeasure is
easier. Though oddly when
there’s less of it
 
and all my clothes
become a relaxed fit
there’s an uncomfortable
 
satisfaction
no matter what the
cause. It really is
 
the ultimate
oxymoron

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Staycation

I meditated this morning.

Trying to find a bigger

space

in the smaller space I currently inhabit.

Days become heavy with illness.

The light lasts longer

yet seems much further away.

The breath helps.

But it’s the first coffee of the day

that reassures me.

I am still alive.

I cried yesterday

and the day before.

I’ll probably cry later today.

But it’s not all Eeyore.

There is beauty too.

Minutes of deep appreciation

for the love in friends and family and myself

to tidy the fear away.

And books and words and TV

Though when I watch yet another episode of dodgy American sci-fi

the other voice in my head keeps turning  up to remind me

it’s not a fucking holiday.